I'm pants shitting drunk right now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So many bounce houses so little time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
