i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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