So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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