Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
