Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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