i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
