two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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