either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
