my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
