I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
