farters have to be the big spoon...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
