Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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