Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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