just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
