I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize