i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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