eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
