I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
