I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
