Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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