my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
