tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
