If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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