ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
