i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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