i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
