She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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