I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
