The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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