I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
