There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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