Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
