Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
