just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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