So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we should paint friendship bongs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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