oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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