I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
