I'm gonna have a badass scar
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
