Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We named our party play list daddy issues
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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