mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Randomize
