matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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