If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
