so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
