Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
