This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
