I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
