How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
