I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
