I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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