Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
