i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
