Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
