He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
