Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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