I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
