I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
