im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
