he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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