I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize