The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
