I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
