Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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