why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
