absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
