So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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