Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
