Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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