bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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