i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
