3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
