How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
