I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
