he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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