Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
