I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
