she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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