i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize