So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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