Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
