I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
