She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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