You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
