you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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