I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
why is half of my head shaved?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
