Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
