after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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