My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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