so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
