I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
